Vespers: A Mourning Meditation with Susan Osborn
It's rare that someone can speak 'beyond the grave', as it were, about death and grief and the passage of all things we think will never change.
Susan had a lot to say and sing about the topic. It may be useful to you, as it is to me, to listen to her now, having revealed the impermanence of all things, in her own words. She always hoped her work would serve as tools for people.
To that end, I offer this playlist to be a meditation and a balm. To bring awareness to the wound and to let that energy be released into creation that your life may be held as a precious gift offered lightly.
'Glimpses of You' was written after the death with dignity of our friend John Barnes. We gathered with a small group to play music once a week honored to provide a few hours of relief as he moved towards his planned exit from pain. Finally in the back room, glimpses.
'Her Heart' was written after the death of Jiko san, a Buddhist priest with an ancient family temple in Osaka. A deep Yoda-type character, she and Susan would laugh together delighted that their souls had found each other though the only English words Jiko knew were okie-dokie, pee, and poo. We played 'Her Heart' as Susan's body left the hospice.
'A Letter from Paul' Susan loved singing Paul's letter to the Corinthians to Rachmaninoff's tune.
'River of No Return' written with old bandmate Marilyn Castilaw after the death of Susan's father in his recliner at rubber neck ranch just down the road the day after Christmas. The wonder, the questions, the cloud of unknowing.
'River of No Return' was written with old bandmate Marilyn Castilaw after the death of Susan's father in his recliner at Rubber Neck Ranch just down the road the day after Christmas. The wonder, the questions, the cloud of unknowing.
'She Speaks' Susan speaks for that which sings from every part of creation. Even the prisoner's cell.
'She Speaks' Susan speaks for that which sings from every part of creation. Even the prisoner's cell.
'Everything Must Change' by Bernard Ighner, Phil Markowitz at the piano live at the Cathedral of Saint John the Divine in New York City 1994.
'The Promise' - may our hearts fill with music, may the music fill with light, may we all make it home the night.
'You Gotta Believe' - both ‘The Promise’ and ‘You Gotta Believe’ from Susan's first album recorded in Iowa reflect Susan's heart and soul that through ups and downs stayed true for 74 years and 17 days. Rest and be blessed in peace.
'Bright Angel' was written out of a state of abject fear in the bottom of the Grand Canyon on a recording trip with the Paul Winter Consort. Susan made it very clear that I was not really to scatter her ashes in the Grand Canyon. She is very happy under the cherry tree in the front yard. Other than that she would not plan her memorial she said "I'll be gone, those left behind can do what they need to do". Assembling this playlist to hear what Susan has said herself about death and grief has been helpful to me. Perhaps you will find a spot which holds meaning for you and hold Susan or anyone else you need to grieve for in your heart as you meditate on these songs.
'Into Thin Air' music by Eric Satie, Paul Halley at the piano. I wrote the lyrics to express that leap beyond fear as we swing between the poles of indulgence and denial to be able to let go and trust.
'Before You Go' I wrote these lyrics to Ravel's Pavane imagining the moment with Susan when she would lay dying and I would be helpless holding her hand. It has an hallucinatory quality as if I had anticipated the sleep deprived state of mind the petitioner would actually possess.
'Piano Song' written by Paul Halley, lyrics by David Densmore. "Trust the ballast born of grief to right the ship in a heavy sea". "The song whose end we cannot know."
'River of Sorrow'. We were deep in the Grand Canyon when a helicopter arrived to tell us Susan's mother had died then lifted us above the lip of Lava Falls. This song is her response.
'The Return' music by Elgar, lyrics by Susan. "With grateful heart I fly."